Have you ever heard the term, victimization? Have you ever known someone who has played the victim card? Have you ever played the victim yourself?
If you think about it for a moment, one of the mind games going on in your head that is keeping you stuck is the game of playing a victim.
Don’t get defensive, this is an archetype we all play, sometimes subtly and sometimes blatantly. It is your subconscious mind, your ego, abdicating responsibility so you can be safe, be in charge, and be OK.
However, this type of thinking actually holds you back and takes away your personal power.
Take back control. Start by paying attention to what you are thinking and you will be able to shift your language, change your focus, and elevate your state to a more productive thought pattern.
This is not about positive thinking, this is about releasing repeating thought patterns and creating more value for you and your life.
You realize you are complaining
If only my (wife, husband, child, employee, friend…) knew how much I went through to get this done.
I know I have had this thought many times in the course of my life. In fact, some form of this continues to creep in (as do all of them).
So, when this happens to you, what can you do?
Ask some questions.
Does it matter that s/he knows? What would happen if s/he did know? What will it take to let her/him/they know? How do you know s/he doesn’t know? Where is the evidence that this matters or if any of this is true? What would happen if you didn’t go through this?
Then think of the positive attributes this person brings to your life. Then, if you decide it is important for him/her to know how much you went through, in a conversational tone, no longer from a victim state, explain what the process was.
You believe everything happens to you
You make me (sad, happy, angry, hurt, frustrated…).
Do you know those people that seem to live a life of doom and gloom? All the potential terrible things in this world seem to find them. I know I had a season in my life where this is how I felt. My husband stepped out on me, my friends were leaving me, no one really understood me, and my life was full of sickness, pain, financial worries, and loneliness.
And then I got angry with me.
Get angry with what is “happening” to you and take control. You have the choice to experience life from a more empowered state.
Ask yourself, how does (the situation, the person, the event) cause (sadness, joy, anger, pain, frustration)?
Then think of the potentiality of the experience. Aristotle believed that everything happening to you today has a purpose because it turns you into the person you are becoming.
- If you embrace the mindset that everything happens for a reason, you can start to look back at experiences and realize you gained insight, skill, made important decisions, and learned valuable lessons. The experience is the pain of growth. What new decisions can you make right now?
- When there is a loss, you can gain a sense of closure. When things don’t go your way, you may be thinking “Why me,” you may be feeling “If only…”, and you may be thinking “How could this happen?” You can’t control all outcomes, but you can control your ability to accept the reality of a situation. When “it” is over, remember the great parts, and move on. This season has come to an end.
- Chaos and events planned or unexpected create change. Many times, the shift you experience is small, but it definitely happens. Look at the “you make me” statement and find the potential for making new decisions, creating new routines, connecting with new people and see how it leads to defining moments in your life.
Then, if there are truly situations that no longer align to your values, determine what steps you can take to change your situation, and then take action.
You frequently feel obligated
Oh boy, I used to be a big-time user of this thinking. If I didn’t say yes, then someone would no longer like me.
Listen to your language as you speak AND as you think. Are you using words like: should, shouldn’t, must, have to or maybe like: can/can’t, will/won’t, may/may not?
These words give up your power and create anger, frustration, brooding, and more. When you become aware that you are using these words, ask yourself:
- What would happen if:
- you didn’t
- you did
- you could
- What specifically prevents you?
Then get honest and change your language to “I am choosing not to do this (or to do this) because…”
Challenge your thinking, get curious about evidence that anything you think is true, be gentle with yourself and others, find the space of opportunity rather than the space of blame, take ownership for your actions and decisions.
You have everything you need within you to get unstuck and bring out the very best of you each and every moment.
What would it take for you to set yourself free and take control of your life?
You have choices. It takes allowing yourself to feel worthy of self-care and self-development. It takes having someone at your side guiding you through the barriers that could hold you back. It takes someone who has done it and is willing to go through it with you.
Let’s talk and see if I am that someone for you. Schedule our discovery meeting today.