Today, a friend asked me to share what advise I have that I would share with graduates.
What is interesting is that what I came up with is what I share with my clients, with my colleagues, with my family, and with my tribe.
- Spend your time to know yourself
This might seem a bit self-evident, yet to be honest, I was a master of hiding from me a good portion of my life.
It was so important for me to be a good wife, a good mother, a good employee, and a good friend, that I rarely spoke my opinion.
I often avoided the truth in how toxic my relationships were. Yes, there were times of joy and laughter, but those days where I believed less of myself based on someone else’s perception of me ate at my very soul. I have learned who I am, the light that shines and the dark that I used to hide from, and I love every bit of me.
I managed my children based on not upsetting my husband and rarely on what I believed to be appropriate. I truly felt like I was dancing around mine-fields in order not to have an explosion of anger directed at my children. I have learned that I am not responsible for someone else’s feelings and that living in my truth is the only way to navigate my relationship with my children.
I spent my corporate life changing my language and allowed myself to be subservient to the leadership I reported to in the moment. I have had amazing mentors in my career, but I have also had managers that did not trust. Therefore, I was micromanaged and expected to speak, behave, and work based on certain criteria that changed with each leader. I have since understood what is important to me in life, my values, my boundaries, and my mission. With this knowledge I no longer accept anything less than behavior that supports what is important to me.
I have had friendships based on what I could give, on what is lacking in life, and on co-dependency. I own that I lived in that space as well, so when I took responsibility for my life and accountability for my choices, these relationships disintegrated. New and healthier relationships emerged where we ask, “what do you see in me that I could improve on today?”
- Be honest with your flaws, rely on your strengths
There was a time in my life where I believed life was either good or bad. I saw a solid line where I was supposed to stay on the “good” side and never ever ever cross over.
Before I began taking responsibility for myself, I allowed my ego, my narrow beliefs, and my biases to rule my choices and I was always right. The Universe did revolve around me!
The day this all came tumbling down was a day I began to question everything in my life. I realized that my opinion was my story and not someone else’s reality. I noticed that, by not accepting my flaws, but by always trying to “fix” them, I was burying who I am.
When I took stock of all of me, my core capabilities, my strengths, as well as the things I am not very strong at, I began to accept who I am without trying to make me better. Instead, I began to focus on making me a better person. Even more loving, more curious, more allowing of other’s truths. By knowing myself solidly, I see you clearly.
- If it doesn’t feel right, then question why
Many of us in this motivational world will direct clients to trust their intuition. The problem with that directive, is many don’t know what that is. So, the advice I give is to live your life like a four-year-old. Be curious and open to the wonders of what could be.
For much of my adult life I would forge forward, even if it felt wrong. Either I received a directive from work, or I was supporting the needs and visions of my family, or I was trying to appease a friend. In every case, the results were disastrous for me.
When I began to ask questions and measure choices based on my values and my boundaries, life began to get so much better. As I practiced this questioning and question the answer, and question that answer yet again, I began to get to the deeper meaning of why something felt off. I now can make a conscious choice as to what action I do want to take next.
The future is yet to unfold and, when you know who you are, you can navigate life with grace. There is no need to fear the future, you have everything you need within you right now.
What would it take for you to be the best you could be, make a meaningful impact in your life, and to know your choices matter?
It takes allowing yourself to know yourself. It takes digging deep for your answers and trusting who you are. It takes having someone at your side guiding you through the barriers that could hold you back. It takes someone who has done it and is willing to go through it with you.
Let’s talk and see if I am that someone for you. Schedule our discovery meeting today.