Have you, or someone you know, made a choice based on what others might think or say, even though it felt off? Have you ever made a commitment and regretted it? Maybe you know someone who allows others to direct their choices.
These are just a few examples of how we might seek externally for validation, wanting to belong or fit in.
It is how you might make sure you are not left out or it might be something you don’t ever realize you do.
Ego needs to belong. The problem is that giving in and looking for others to approve of your choices means you are giving up yourself and suppressing your personal expression.
What price are you willing to pay in order to feel like belong? Do you really feel good about it?
Seeking approval means there is a part of you that is not completely comfortable with your self-worth. You deserve self-expression and deserve to be whole. You deserve to uncover ways to be you.
Some examples of situations that kick your belief in yourself that show up in life might be.
You take disagreements personally.
When I was deep in the throws of serious self-doubt a friend of mine said, “It’s only information.” This did not help, in fact, it hurt me even more.
It is personal when you take it personally. If my self-worth is wrapped around the approval of others; my self-worth is being attacked when someone does not agree with me.
The only way to get a fresh perspective is to step away from the situations and look at it from different points of view. A coach can guide you through this process and provide the tools you need to keep it going.
You frequently say yes when you really want to say no.
There was a time when I never said no when asked, thinking it was my responsibility to help. What happened? I over committed and, in some cases, seriously failed in any of the tasks I was undertaking because I was overextended.
Can you relate to this little voice in your head telling you that you must say yes, even when your instinct tells you to say no?
Being a people-pleaser depletes your energy, can make you resent what you are doing, and can cause you to feel really badly about who you are becoming.
Learning to put your lips together and say no takes practice and can be scary. Working with a trusted guide can help you find the approach to “no” that works best for you.
You don’t stand up for yourself.
Ah, being the doormat in the relationship was something I experienced and didn’t realize it until I heard others stand up for me.
“I don’t know what your problem is, but she doesn’t deserve that________.”
I heard this frequently until I began to question why I accepted the blame for something not in my control.
If you don’t have healthy boundaries, or don’t even know what boundaries are, then you are not in a position to stand up for yourself and for what you deserve.
Learning to foster a strong sense of self-worth takes learning how to ask empowering questions about ownership, taking responsibility for your choices, and taking action on changing how you respond to being pushed around. This takes support and guidance from someone on your side, vested in your growth and your development.
People pleasing behavior at the cost of your own beliefs will make you feel even worse about yourself and feed into the need to please even more.
Breaking this cycle takes finding your personal worth and learning to believe that you deserve to feed and nurture your needs. This takes practice and patience. Working with a coach will bring you to a new level of understanding your value and how you can tap into it.
You are worthy and deserve to express who you are and what is important to you without seeking approval from others.
It takes allowing yourself the freedom to question your perspective and the flexibility to change your point of view while you alter the words you choose to describe who you are. It takes having someone at your side guiding you through the barriers that have allowed you to question your worth. It takes someone who has done it and is willing to go through it with you.
Let’s talk and see if I am that someone for you. Schedule our discovery meeting today.