A friend of mine recently posted a picture of a cat with “9-lives.” She speculated that people have something north of that.
So I began to get curious.
Home many lives do we live and what do they look like?
I know I can easily talk about phases in my life and moments of critical decisions and change. There are changes in life as we go through the normal passages of time (learning, teen age bonding and testing boundaries, young adult learning responsibility, mid-life looking back at what worked and how moving forward will be different… etc.). I am going to cover some unique formative years experiences that were decision making times for me. See if you can relate to some of these:
Age 2 – Had a water pipe break in front of me and watched my mother get frantic. Decided that what I was doing must have created this chaos, so determined it was MY JOB TO KEEP BALANCE IN THE FAMILY and not cause waves.
Age 3 – Mother passed and there was much confusion around what to do with me. By then older siblings were in school and working (or married with their own family) and my dad had to work. I Heard much about the burden of me, so decided I NEED TO FILL MY OWN LOSS AND NOT BE A BURDEN.
Age 5 – Kindergarten was the first time I was not at home. We had moved, I knew no one, and was thrown into a room of paste, crayons, and a scary woman running the show. I had to keep balance and not be a burden, so thought that I needed to make this teacher happy any way I could, so I decided I NEED TO SHOW UP FOR OTHERS AND BURY MY DESIRES IN ORDER TO FIT IN.
Age 8 – I discovered dance, a way to move and express myself that was acceptable. I joined a dance school, got to perform, and learned that I CAN MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY WITH MOVEMENT and be safe with my own expression.
Age 9 – I went to a full time, all summer long, camp (what to do with the burden of me was still a constant discussion). I had a bunch of lessons there. I LEARNED TO GET CURIOUS ABOUT RELIGION AND RITUALS…I REALIZED I HAD THE ABILITY TO WORK ON SOMETHING NEW AND PERFECT WHATEVER SKILL I FOCUSED ON…I DETERMINED THAT HAVING ONE GREAT FRIEND BEATS HAVING MANY AQUAINTENCES.
All of these decisions, though they showed up to keep me safe at the time, became roadblocks to my future development. I got involved with personal development and unpacking issues at the age of 21. I continue to this day and started training as a coach after over 30 years of my own journey. What I learned about these lives that I lived and how to release their blocks was life changing.
See if you can relate to some of these or if these bring up some of your own.
I NEED TO FILL MY OWN LOSS AND NOT BE A BURDEN.
There is some truth to this, but as a child I buried this experience rather than learn from it. Because of my growth, when I work with clients where this shows up, I know how to support them as they examine the loss, feel it, learn from it, grow from it and heal. In the act of releasing, they drop the load of burden and walk away.
SHOW UP FOR OTHERS AND BURY MY DESIRES IN ORDER TO FIT IN.
How many times did I put someone else’s needs or desires before my own in fear of losing them or the situation only to lose it anyway? I learned that there is always someplace I don’t fit in and there is no way I can fill the desires of someone else, be it a corporation or an individual. And now I share this with my clients who get to recognize they have desires, realize they deserve them, and understand that they have permission to be authentically who they are and, in doing that, they draw the right people into their life.
I CAN MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY WITH MOVEMENT and be safe with my own expression.
Don’t we all want to make people happy? I ask you, at what cost? I now know that it is not my responsibility to make anyone anything, happy, sad, strong, aware… you name it. My job is to take care of the only thing I have control over, me. Helping my clients come to this awareness and realize that this is not self-centered but is being self-caring, self-aware, and selfish in a positive and empowering way.
I LEARNED TO GET CURIOUS ABOUT RELIGION AND RITUALS.
This is a lifetime endeavor starting with attending a variety of churches, touching base with cults, examining the Kabbalah and the Trestle Board, to so many spiritual groups and have found a commonality that I can call truth. This allows me to support any beliefs in this area my clients have as well as help them navigate how the unknown supports their life right now.
I REALIZED I HAD THE ABILITY TO WORK ON SOMETHING NEW AND PERFECT WHATEVER SKILL I FOCUSED ON.
Intention, focus, and desire are the foundation of any success. I have risen in every company I ever worked in, all because of focus and intention. Desire was why I was in that job to begin with. I bring this practice and ability to my own business and to my clients, sharing a variety of approaches until we find one that resonates with their personality and supports their lifestyle.
I DETERMINED THAT HAVING ONE GREAT FRIEND BEATS HAVING MANY AQUAINTENCES.
Relationships are so important in this life and wasting time on one that just does not fit is both a lost cause and can really beat down your feeling of self-worth. Having a small network of people you trust and hold close, and bit larger network of people you can turn to for direction, and then a larger circle of people who you know, who may float in and out of your life, but who may not always have your best interest in mind is normal. Identifying that inner circle and nurturing it is an important skill to hone.
How many lives do we get to live? More than I can account for in this post.
Right now, you might be on the precipice of changing to another version of you. Moving forward in your life, living north of tomorrow, being more than today.
If you look back at all the changes that occurred and all the decisions that you made, I wonder how many lives you would see and how these decisions have affected today’s choices. What decisions about your reality are you ready to drop in order to propel you to where you want to go?
North of tomorrow