Do you, or someone you know, sometimes say things like:
- “It feels like the world is out to get me”
- “Why does this always happen to me”
- “I always have to do this myself”
- “It’s not my fault”
- “The reality is, this is where I’m at, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
You get it. As a victim you use language that abdicates responsibility, focuses on the problem rather than the solution, and places blame outside yourself. We’ve all done this at times, it is when you use this language, feel this sense of no control, and foster blame-anger that you nurture a victim mentality.
When you are in a victim mentality state you are convinced that life is beyond your control and is out to get you. You feel powerless and unable to cope with problems in your life. You find yourself reliving past painful memories that made you feel like a victim and bring them into your life right now. Even when things go right, you find something to complain about.
You blame others or circumstances for the unhappiness and anger you feel.
This cycle can be difficult to unravel because there are some benefits you get as the victim.
- You do not need to take responsibility
- Other people feel sorry for you
- Because you have a story to tell, you are important/interesting
- You even get to complain about being a complainer
Many of you want more out of life. You want to personally grow, to be a shining example for your family, team, or friends, and you want the know who you are at your very core. In order to be free enough to achieve your elusive dream means you must move past victimhood.
The things you have been gaining will need to be replaced by more healthy and constructive gains.
- Taking responsibility puts you in control
- Other people want to get to know you better
- Your life and light become important/interesting as you are a survivor
Get curious with ALL your choices and examine any thought that creates resistance, pain, or places blame. Your thoughts are created by you, you do not need to believe them, and you can change them. Become aware of when you place blame and take responsibility instead. Examine how gaining sympathy from others makes you feel special and perpetuates the victim cycle. Begin using affirmations such as “I am responsible for my life” or “I am empowered to create change.”
When you practice self-awareness, you acquire the ability to understand your emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. You give yourself permission to question your drivers, values and goals. You develop the ability to reflect, respond, and make conscious choices that support you.
“Concern yourself more with accepting responsibility than with assigning blame. Let the possibilities inspire you more than the obstacles discourage you.” Ralph Marston
You have the power to choose your perspective on life. Choose to take responsibility and take control. This is a practice of conscious choice and being present in the uniqueness of the moment. Take control, accept responsibility, and be aware that your perspective, response, and results belong to you alone. You know it’s time for even more.
If not now, when? Don’t go there alone. I’m here to help.