Have you ever had a friend or co-worker who just did not put his or her heart into it? Maybe they did what had to be done because they were told to do it and knew someone else, maybe you, would pick up the slack. Is it also possible that there is someone you know who procrastinates so much that someone else always steps in? Maybe there have even been times in your life when this was you.
Let’s face it, we’ve all been there.
This becomes a problem when you are so mired in allowing someone else to do the work, or when you are so lax that you really don’t seem to care, that the result is reflect in your life where you do not move forward.
There are many root causes of why you might choose this attitude in your life and, as an empowerment coach, I would need to work with you or that person you know individually to get to the root reason. However, there are some basic themes we can discuss right now.
Fear of Success
Fear has the power to prevent you from moving forward. You question your ability, your worthiness, and your vision and these feelings hold you back.
The fear of success is rooted in the fear of failure and loss. If you fail you will be embarrassed, maybe be hurt, and potentially lose friends. The interesting thing is that if you succeed you just might lose your current friends, have a change of attitude, and be embarrassed by who you were before success.
If you, therefor, develop an approach to life where you allow someone else to “do the work” then you do not need to deal with the blame and embarrassment of failure or change in your life if there is success.
Not My Responsibility
Another belief that supports this “do it for me” approach to life is when you support an attitude that results are not your fault. This is when you blame others for what your life is like right now. Your parents, religion, schooling, friends, boss, spouse and so on are all the reason why not.
It’s really your choice to change or not, it’s your choice to take care of your body or not, and it’s your choice to choose associates that support your growth or not. It is your responsibility to “do or do not, there is no try” (Yoda).
When you do not take responsibility for what does not work in your life, you also are not responsible for what goes well. When you acknowledge your failures, you acknowledge your ability to learn and grow. You learn how to respond and adjust in a way that propels you forward and brings meaning to what you achieve.
Woe is me!
Some of you may be living a life of being overwhelmed and feeling like a victim. No matter how you try, life just piles on more and more stress.
There are many potential reasons for this cycle in your life. You may receive attention when stressed, enjoy recognition what you have to do for others and can’t do for yourself, or perhaps you are responding to some penance you believe you need to pay for a past decision or choice. Some of you may even feel stuck in your situation and continue the pity me cycle of despair.
This is a “do it for me” attitude because while you are sacrificing for others and feeling badly in some way, you are ignoring yourself. Maybe you have issues with your career, your relationships, or your life and maybe things are not what you thought they would be. Rather than make conscious choices to change you avoid decisions, continue the cycle, and complain about the situation you are in.
Once you take control and focus on what you are responsible for, you will become motivated and excited about life again. Your complaint list will diminish, and life will consistently get more and more under control.
It is up to you to make those conscious choices, take consistent and meaningful action, and be honest with yourself and your motivations. Do it yourself. Build a better you.
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt
This is a practice of conscious choice. Take control, accept responsibility, and be aware that your perspective, communication and results belong to you alone. You know it’s time for even more.
If not now, when?
You don’t have to go there alone.