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Rejection, Real and Imagined

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Have you ever had the feeling that what you are doing misses the mark? Have you ever been stuck, even temporarily, in a situation where you knew you were not wanted?

Whether in your personal life or in business, feeling unwanted or rejected is something you probably have experienced at some point in your life. Finding the root, exploring what this feeling is telling you, and acting on resolution are keys to finding your way through to a healthy outcome.

Rejection can be painful, whether real or imagined, and this feeling stems from a need to belong. The human race is a tribal animal and when you feel shunned, unwanted, or ignored you feel cut off from “family.” When this happens it is important to examine the situation, connect with who you really are, and create a plan of action for swift resolution.

Part of feeling whole includes receiving affirmation from a steady, reliable, and trustworthy source yet many of you also have a profound desire for deeper connection. This sense of belonging emotionally, spiritually, and universally brings a strength and an anchoring that can sustain you through these “unwanted” moments. This deeper connection with your Self is the only thing you have command of.

Find the root

Rejection is like a seed planted in your life through the experiences you have. Being denied love at some level is its basic root. Your early experiences later rises up at the intensity felt at the root.

Being unwanted in a certain circumstance may be a reality but how you feel about that situation and how you navigate through it is totally under your control. Explore your feeling and think of the first time you may have felt this way. Are you reacting to the actual circumstance you are currently in or are you reacting to something from the past?

What are some of the examples of past events that may be showing up in your current reality?

As a child you might have been deprived of a close relationship with parents:

Moms outside the home and is not around

Dad may work long hours away from home

One or both parent(s) devote too little time to you

One or both have passed away

You may have had some form of abuse in your household:

Verbal abuse such as “you never do anything right” or “you are stupid!”

Physical abuse creates immediate fear and confusion

Sexual abuse creates an immediate victim reality and creates a sense of rejection

These are simply examples of root causes to help you explore what your reality might be. Take out some paper and begin to journal about your thoughts around what your first recollection of feeling exactly like you do right now might be… This is your root of feeling unwontedness and one for you to explore.

What this feeling is telling you

This feeling of rejection also has a solid foot in fear; and fear is a tool your subconscious mind uses to keep you safe. Sometimes this is appropriate and sometimes your reaction, as you discovered earlier, is a reaction from your history, your past experiences.

So what are you being protected from? What is the lesson your subconscious is trying to tell you? What is the gift you receive from this past and current experience? How can you bring this lesson to the present and incorporate it into your daily life?

Open up to your Self and explore the possibilities and the opportunities of learning from your original experience and realize that today’s reaction may be dis-proportionate to your actual reality.

Resolution to a healthy outcome

As with all dis-empowering states the first and most powerful step to change is to change your physiology. Sit up straight, raise your chin, breathe deeply and smile! Remember all the positive things that also have happened this day and know that you have the power to change everything.

Immediate change – Remember, you are not your feelings but you are so much more. These feelings are not reality, but are the past seeping into the present. Imagine these as an object that you can remove from You and put aside in a chair. Then you are able to have a conversation with You about being present now and the reality of today. And, if you are, in fact, being rejected, shunned or unwanted, so what is your next step?

Subsequent change – write out your options to remove yourself from this situation of being unwanted. With each option if fear arises then examine what this really is about? If you cry, let this flow as this is simply energy moving through you. Change requires the movement of energy and crying is a release of pent up energy. Make your list, address your concerns in a positive manner and create your plan for change.

Final change – It is now time to execute the plan you created. Along the way you may have a moment of hesitation, of second-guessing, or of fear. You made a plan and addressed your concerns. Re-read and re-write your resolution to your concerns. Look for help to navigate through this and set yourself free!

Finding your way through to a healthy outcome requires taking an honest look at your root reaction, your current situation, and your alternative choices for change. Change your perception, change your physiology, and change your situation. You have the power to control your life, go ahead and take the reins.

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