All posts in Kraft Balance

Rejection, Real and Imagined

Unwanted2

Have you ever had the feeling that what you are doing misses the mark? Have you ever been stuck, even temporarily, in a situation where you knew you were not wanted?

Whether in your personal life or in business, feeling unwanted or rejected is something you probably have experienced at some point in your life. Finding the root, exploring what this feeling is telling you, and acting on resolution are keys to finding your way through to a healthy outcome.

Rejection can be painful, whether real or imagined, and this feeling stems from a need to belong. The human race is a tribal animal and when you feel shunned, unwanted, or ignored you feel cut off from “family.” When this happens it is important to examine the situation, connect with who you really are, and create a plan of action for swift resolution.

Part of feeling whole includes receiving affirmation from a steady, reliable, and trustworthy source yet many of you also have a profound desire for deeper connection. This sense of belonging emotionally, spiritually, and universally brings a strength and an anchoring that can sustain you through these “unwanted” moments. This deeper connection with your Self is the only thing you have command of.

Find the root

Rejection is like a seed planted in your life through the experiences you have. Being denied love at some level is its basic root. Your early experiences later rises up at the intensity felt at the root.

Being unwanted in a certain circumstance may be a reality but how you feel about that situation and how you navigate through it is totally under your control. Explore your feeling and think of the first time you may have felt this way. Are you reacting to the actual circumstance you are currently in or are you reacting to something from the past?

What are some of the examples of past events that may be showing up in your current reality?

As a child you might have been deprived of a close relationship with parents:

Moms outside the home and is not around

Dad may work long hours away from home

One or both parent(s) devote too little time to you

One or both have passed away

You may have had some form of abuse in your household:

Verbal abuse such as “you never do anything right” or “you are stupid!”

Physical abuse creates immediate fear and confusion

Sexual abuse creates an immediate victim reality and creates a sense of rejection

These are simply examples of root causes to help you explore what your reality might be. Take out some paper and begin to journal about your thoughts around what your first recollection of feeling exactly like you do right now might be… This is your root of feeling unwontedness and one for you to explore.

What this feeling is telling you

This feeling of rejection also has a solid foot in fear; and fear is a tool your subconscious mind uses to keep you safe. Sometimes this is appropriate and sometimes your reaction, as you discovered earlier, is a reaction from your history, your past experiences.

So what are you being protected from? What is the lesson your subconscious is trying to tell you? What is the gift you receive from this past and current experience? How can you bring this lesson to the present and incorporate it into your daily life?

Open up to your Self and explore the possibilities and the opportunities of learning from your original experience and realize that today’s reaction may be dis-proportionate to your actual reality.

Resolution to a healthy outcome

As with all dis-empowering states the first and most powerful step to change is to change your physiology. Sit up straight, raise your chin, breathe deeply and smile! Remember all the positive things that also have happened this day and know that you have the power to change everything.

Immediate change – Remember, you are not your feelings but you are so much more. These feelings are not reality, but are the past seeping into the present. Imagine these as an object that you can remove from You and put aside in a chair. Then you are able to have a conversation with You about being present now and the reality of today. And, if you are, in fact, being rejected, shunned or unwanted, so what is your next step?

Subsequent change – write out your options to remove yourself from this situation of being unwanted. With each option if fear arises then examine what this really is about? If you cry, let this flow as this is simply energy moving through you. Change requires the movement of energy and crying is a release of pent up energy. Make your list, address your concerns in a positive manner and create your plan for change.

Final change – It is now time to execute the plan you created. Along the way you may have a moment of hesitation, of second-guessing, or of fear. You made a plan and addressed your concerns. Re-read and re-write your resolution to your concerns. Look for help to navigate through this and set yourself free!

Finding your way through to a healthy outcome requires taking an honest look at your root reaction, your current situation, and your alternative choices for change. Change your perception, change your physiology, and change your situation. You have the power to control your life, go ahead and take the reins.

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Powerful Thoughts

They’re only words, they don’t really mean anything; it’s the intention of the speaker that matters. Is this really true? Do you even know the true intention behind the words someone else uses? Can you honestly say you have never used words with harmful intentions at some point in your life?

As Homo-sapiens we think in pictures and feelings and have learned to translate them into language patterns. The result is that your words are linked to pictures and feelings. So how can you really believe it when you say words will never hurt you when language is linked to emotion?

It is also these very words, linked to images and emotions, that have shaped your values, built your belief system and have created your self-image. You have built your world based on what you believe to be true based on feelings and images. Key words and phrases have linked themselves to your emotions and have driven your choices up ‘till now. You reinforce your beliefs with the words you use in your thoughts. Think for a moment, do some of these common “limiting” beliefs people utter sound familiar to you?

  • I ‘m not safe
  • I don’t belong
  • I lack value
  • I am powerless
  • I am defective
  • I’m not good enough

Every time you say or think any of these, and numerous other statements, you are reinforcing your belief system and making choices that prove these to be true for you. Words have the power to sustain your life, to shape your life, and to change your life. Words can change everything as they shift your perspective, change what you know, determine how you interact with people and shape the decisions you ultimately make. They can disillusion you or inspire you to greatness. Why not follow your “I am” statements with empowering language?

  • I am where I belong
  • I have integrity
  • I know that my experienced will make me stronger and wiser
  • I know other people’s behavior is about their beliefs only
  • I focus on the joy in my life and am a positive force in this world

You know you are ready to let go and change your life. Take action right now, and working with Kraft Bravery and Your Business you will get even more out of your career, your business, and your life today.

“if you realized how powerful your thoughtsare, you would never think a negative thought.” ~ Peace Pilgrim

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Struggling for Solutions

Overcoming hurtles often requires creative thinking.

Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words, ideas or solutions? If you are like me, this might even be a daily challenge. When you find yourself creatively challenged, struggling to find that next client, or stuck in the same old rut then it’s time to shake it out and get rid of your cobwebs.

Before you begin, absolutely give yourself credit for having the ability to think creatively in the first place. You’re reading this post aren’t you? That shows you have the willingness to get out of your current frame of mind, break free and move forward and this is great news, isn’t it?.

In the past, was there ever a time where you ran into an obstacle and needed to think creatively to find a solution? What did you do that helped you solve the problem? If you think about it you can see you do have the skill to think creatively, all you need to do now is just sharpen this skill. What can you do to refine that imagination muscle and become even more aware of the potential solutions available now; practice being open to possibilities.

Exercises for your mind

  • Take an ordinary household product (aluminum foil, cereal or bottled water for example) and re-brand the product. How else could this product be used? What marketing strategy, advertising or design should you engage in to bring awareness to this new way of using this product?
  • If you were asked to redesign 2 miles of a downtown city area, what would you do differently? How would you change the traffic, buildings, or transit system? What other uses for this area would you incorporate into this design?
  • If walls could hear and speak, what do you think they might say? Pick a room in the house (dining room, kitchen, or den) and over a given day, what stories do you think you would hear?
  • Write a complete story using no more than six word. Think like a poet using just the right word for just the right perspective.

Tap into your curiosity (What if the world was perfect, you had all the resources needed or there were no barrier to your success) and let the ideas simply flow. Record your thoughts or write them down without editing. What would happen if this solution were not found? What would not happen if this solution were not found? What more can you do right now to bring the perfect ending to this problem?

When you practice looking at things differently, you build the confidence you need to enhance your creative thinking skills and find yourself open to being even more aware of possibilities and solutions flow smoothly and effortlessly to you and it’s nice to know that, isn’t it?

Take action right now, you know you are ready to let go and change your life right here and right now. Contact Kraft Bravery and Your Business and get even more out of your life, your career and your business today.

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Why Can’t I Make You Happy

 

Conflict Between CoupleHave you or someone you know ever tried to fix a problem by making someone else happy? Have you ever said words such as “what is it you need me to do?” Have you ever felt frustrated in a situation that seemed to be spiraling down and out of your control? You try to please people because you are afraid of being alone, of not being liked or of being judged yet this can have a negative impact on your personal relationships and it is a losing position to be in for your career.

There was a time in my life when I did whatever it took to make others happy; I called it being “flexible.” During the day I made customers, bosses and peers happy and during the evening I made my family and friends happy. I was meeting everyone else’s needs yet didn’t even know what mine were? Can any of you relate to that?

I found myself not wanting to walk in the house when I got home, I found myself frustrated driving to the office, and I found myself crying in the Lady’s room before meetings. Even worse, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS WRONG!

I still lost friends, I still lost jobs and I definitely lost myself. If you or someone you know is in this position even a little bit there is great news, YOU CAN CHANGE this around. The great thing is that once you start down this path of self-discovery it gets easier and it is fun. Are you ready for the secret? Do you believe you can handle the change? Are you willing to put some thought into yourself? Well here it is:

Love yourself, love those you interact with and look at problems as opportunities to expand your heart.

Take a few moments right now and write down the most recent thoughts you’ve had about yourself. Do you hear yourself saying things like “I can’t believe I did that,” “I can’t do anything right.” Or “I’m not good enough?” How can you please anyone else if you are unhappy with yourself? Let’s practice right now and take these statements and change them to positive reflections of yourself. Things like “Wow, look what I just did,” “Marvelous, what can I learn,” or “I am fabulous and have exactly what it takes to succeed,”

Mistakes, missing the mark, are the moments in your life where you can grow and become more than the amazing person you already are right now. Problems present themselves when you are ready to grow and they are there for you to love yourself even more as you figure them out. Here are some steps you can take to get started.

When you find yourself asking “what are they going to think of me” stop and take a breath. If this “thing” is something you want to do, if it causes no harm and if it resonates (feels right) with you then say out loud “I love the choices I make and I am ok with what others think.” Practice really feeling good with your decision to let it go. Love yourself and respect the fact that others may not agree. People all have different histories and different perspectives so there will always be someone who disagrees.

Problems are there for you to learn and grow even more. You are presented with a chance to get a gift and a lesson with every challenge. Before making a decision to react ask yourself “what is the gift in this for me that will have a positive outcome and is intended for me to grow even more?” Then listen to the very first answer you get. You are learning to love yourself even more with every answer.

You can take the next step now because you are confident about where you are. You find that you truly love who you are and trust your response to challenges with the end result being that what others think is just not an issue. Begin your journey to being happier and watch as new people come into your life, old problems melt away and exciting opportunities present themselves to you.

More steps to knowing your purpose and your power are yours. Kraft Bravery and Your Business helps you transform your career and your life. Contact me today for more support in getting more out of your life right now. I am simply here as your resource, to empower you to become as focused and clear as possible. Now is the time to make an empowered decision and transform your life, your business and your career today. Contact us now, there is so much more that we can accomplish when we’re together

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Let Go of Knowing and Learn

Knowledge

Knowledge

In learning and decision making you have a history of experiences you rely on that create your understanding of the world, we call this knowledge. If you actually take a moment and reflect on what infinite possibilities exist regarding knowing then you realize that your “knowledge” probably accounts for > 0.1% of all there is to know right now. So the first step to understanding and knowing is to let go of the concept that you already know. The Greek philosopher Socrates stated that all wisdom begins with wondering, therefore you must begin with admitting your ignorance.

 “… I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know.”

Understanding that you don’t know opens you to new information and puts you in a place of power. It can improve your choices in life, because it’s an honest view of your knowledge and capabilities, as well as your ignorance and limitations.

So how do you let go and open up to the infinite possibilities around you? You can begin by getting curious.

  • Question your assumptions
    1. Where did this belief come from
    2. What evidence is there to support this belief
    3. What evidence would help support this belief being false
  • Learn from experiments
    1. Has anything changed since this belief was created
    2. If I look at this from another’s perspective is this still true (what would someone else say)
    3. If I looked at this from afar is this still true (are there alternative that may be just as valid)
    4. If I held a different belief, what might happen
  • Change your mind
    1. What’s one thing I don’t know that would be really useful in this situation
    2. Does this belief conflict with any other beliefs I hold
    3. If I did something differently, what would be the result

Challenging your beliefs uncovers their root and helps you open up to gaining different perspectives and increases your ability to respond to changes in your world. Be your own watch dog and monitor why you respond the way you do, why you make the decisions you make and why do you have the results you have. When you keep an open mind about your beliefs and the possibility that you don’t have all the facts you see the possibility of alternatives and expand your options in everything you do.

Kraft Bravery and Your Business helps you transform your career and your life. Contact me today for more support in getting more out of your life right now. I am simply here as a resource for you, to empower you to become as focused and clear on your goals as possible. Now is the time to make an empowered decision and schedule your coaching sessions today. There is so much that we can accomplish when we’re together.

 

 

 

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Hot Gossip

Or is gossip really hot? Have you ever walked away from a conversation with someone and felt drained or exhausted? Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling hurt, upset or angry? Chances are you are reacting to a dialogue of harm you just participated in. Think about your most recent scenario and what exactly was that discussion like? Is it possible that the majority of that discussion was hurtful to someone and gossip based; destructive rather than enlightening and constructive? Gossip is harmful to the person being talked about and it is also harmful to you.
When there is a gap in details we tend to make stuff up and fill in the blanks. You probably know the communication exercise where a story is whispered to one person and by the time it goes around the room the end result is completely different. This is what happens with gossip; the truth is not really being told, but rather a filtered version of what the speaker believes to be true.
Take a moment and reflect on exactly what your conversations are like. You might find many of them are at the expense of another person. When you engage in this type of dialogue are you at your highest level and do you understand how this behavior might affect how people relate to you?
In the very first job I had, my breaks and lunch times were spent with the same group of ladies. What I discovered is that when one woman was not in attendance the others gossiped about her. I quickly realized that I probably was a subject of discussion when not present and made a comment that “we are not all perfect sitting here right now so who are we to judge?” That did not go over really well but it did begin my journey of asking questions like; “what exactly is the intent of this discussion right now? Does this serve the highest purpose possible?”
Gossip also affects:
Your Honesty and Self-Esteem
People begin to see you as a perpetrator of gossip and, even worse, you will begin to see yourself in this light. People will wonder about you and will not feel safe sharing information. As you continue down this path chances are you do not trust yourself and you may be feeling conflicted and confused.
People Get Hurt
Have you ever been the object of gossip or false rumors? Then you understand how harmful this is. Even when the stories are false, you feel betrayed, embarrassed, and angry. When you gossip about people it may be because you’ve just gotten into the habit of this type of dialogue. Whatever your reason, listen to your words and assess the intent of each conversation.
Karma
Everything is energy and as you put out information that is not constructive you create a field around you that attracts like-minded people and events. You are, therefore, most likely associating with people who gossip. Your conversations are at the cost of someone else and others are holding conversations at the cost of you. When you change what you talk about and how you speak you change your energy, you change the people you associate with, and you change your choices in life. You have the power to choose the high road, the highest purpose, and the best possible outcome.
The language you use reflects your beliefs and values and ultimately your results. Are you ready to cool your language and make a change right here and right now? Go ahead and let Kraft Bravery and Your Business help you hone your language and get even better results right now
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Emotionally Intelligent People Lose Control

Have you worked in a company where leadership discovered this term EIQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)? If you haven’t yet, you will. This metric is a measure of your ability to manage yourself in a variety of situations. What is interesting is this quotient can be increased with training and practice (or decreased if you wish) but it is also very misunderstood.

You see, as a human being you are e-motional. You make decisions based on beliefs, norms, perceptions and emotions. Even when you take the time to examine the facts and look at data and sift through different points of view, your response ultimately is based on who you are, how you feel and what you believe to be true.

As an e-motional being you are going to LOSE IT at times. Whether you face a time of too much stress, or you find yourself not in control or if life events deal you a bad hand, you will lose it. This does NOT mean you LACK EI, it means your emotional state needs release and you have been ignoring the signs to let go.

I have a very high EIQ yet still find myself in situations where I am ready to burst. I’ve learned the BEST way to MANAGE this state is to NOT manage it at all, but to simply let go, cry, curl up and escape from the world a bit, dis-connect from friends and family and take some time for me.

I have discovered that in the past when I tried to manage my e-motional state I actually created massive internal conflict. This resulted in my thinking to become irrational, my behavior erratic and my decision making be very, very poor.

Knowing that I have a high EQ I became curious about these events and explored ways to get into, through and past these e-bursts. Now I let it happen and release pent up emotion. I may cry or take a retreat for a few days; all the time I ask myself what is the lesson I am learning? What is the absolute root of this e-motion? Where is this really coming from and what stories am I telling myself? What actually is happening and what are all the different perspectives of this situation?

I refrain from making decisions as much as possible until I have answered these questions and more. I usually discover the pain/e-motion I am experiencing has very little to do with the actual event but has quite a bit to do with a past experience that has surfaced. This awareness puts the current event into perspective and I am able to then make decisions based on calm and logical e-motions.

Understand you are an emotional being and will slip and lose it at times no matter how high your EQ score may be. This does NOT mean you lack Emotional Intelligence, it means you have taken on too much and your body is telling you it is time for a time out, time to reflect and time to shift something in your life. Take the time, relish in it, explore in it, learn and grow.

Kraft Bravery and Your Business, transform yourself to a higher EQ.

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ADHD, ADD, OCD…Why am I Easily Distracted

Procrastination controlling your life?

You are working online and the next thing you know three hours have passed by and you’ve been surfing the internet. You sit down to get some work done and answer just one text and the next thing you know it’s dinner time. You sit on the couch just to relax for a moment, switch on a show to watch and the next thing you know you wake up and have lost the day. Are you stricken with a distraction disorder?

Getting lost in distractions from time to time is not a problem when your mind is taking a much needed break. However, when these distractions occur unconsciously and on a regular basis you have lost control of your life and are in a cycle of procrastination and avoidance.

Procrastination occurs when you postpone the inevitable. When you know you need to move forward; your heart starts to beat faster, your blood runs through your veins quicker, your throat constricts, you can’t eat or can’t stop eating, your breathing is shallow, and so on; any number of signs of stress creeping into your life. So you procrastinate, which results in being stuck, feeling guilty, and losing focus and fear increases because you procrastinate! Compounding this cycle is that the stress you are feeling is exhausting, so you are tired and sleep more, and so the cycle continues.

It’s time to break this cycle! When you realize you are heading into a procrastination habit, breathe in deeply and calmly. Take some time to have a curious and honest conversation with yourself about why you are taking time out. Explore your feelings, your situation and your options. Seek guidance in this exploration to mirror back your thoughts, beliefs and results. Project what you want to do instead and what outcome do you want. Dig deep and approach this conversation out of love and honesty.

While you explore why you are procrastinating there are actions you can take to re-energize and make conscious choices in your life:

  • Step outside for 15 minutes and walk. Fresh air gets you refocused

  • Add an exercise routine to your schedule two to three times a week. Movement stimulates your energy

  • Find a social group or volunteer your time a few times a week. Interacting with people lifts your spirits

When you take control of your life and make conscious choices you no longer worry about ADHD, ADD, and OCD. Once you become aware that you have the ability to make choices, a decision you make to not take on a task you are avoiding is still a decision. Be honest that you are procrastinating and clarify why you have made this choice. The most important question you can ask yourself in everything you choose to do is why. When you choose to procrastinate you are making a choice and the stress from delay affects you physically, emotionally and mentally. Get unstuck, get moving and begin the healing processes right now.

Kraft Bravery and Your Business, together we can get you in motion. Unfocussed, unbalanced, unhappy, contact me today and get unstuck now.

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What a Bummer

Even the happiest person you know has experienced times in his or her life where things just were terrible. You are one of those people who have a life that is not always smooth. You have a plan, you have a direction and something throws you off track. When this happens you are free falling out of control and there is a potential for the negative energy that shows up in your life to take over.

There is plenty of advice available to help you get past these moments but when you are physically, mentally and emotionally breaking down it is difficult to hear chin up and it is difficult to believe everything happens for a reason.

Let’s take a little different approach then, shall we?

It is my belief that there are two certainties in the universe. The first is that we are emotional beings and every emotion boils down to love or anger. The second is that everything is energy and we can control the energy in our lives once we set our intention to do so.

If these are true, what is happening when the negative energy enters your life and things are not going as planned? You place more value on the situation than you should and by doing so, you draw in more negative energy. The cycle now feeds on itself and it becomes difficult to pull yourself out. You begin to care about the opinion of others and lose focus on your actual goal and why this is so very important.

You need to get past personalizing the situation as it has nothing to do with your worth. What is truly happening is that something has changed in your life and what was working before is no longer doing so. To get to your destination now requires a different route. Remember your why for your goal. Take a look at your options and adjust your approach. What is the worst that can happen? What can you do to mitigate the risk of this actually happening?

You might need to make some changes that you would rather not make. When you think of your options are you hearing words like “can’t,” “won’t,” or “unable?” If any reason comes to mind that is a block to solutions then you are working from a personal self-worth image and are concerned about what others might think. This too is negative energy and self-destructive.

Step out of yourself and speak to yourself as though you were a friend. Write down all the solutions and changes to approach that come to mind without judgment. What approach would you recommend to your friend? If it did not matter what others thought of you or what you thought of yourself, what approach would you take? I believe you might have an answer now.

The true trap of terrible times is the self-loathing spiral you find yourself in the middle of. Are you experiencing self-love or self-anger? What energy are you pulling in? What energy are you emanating? Step outside yourself and take advise from your closest expert, you. Take the steps you need to take to succeed and let the stories others have to tell amuse them, not you. You can laugh all the way to achieving your goals, you’re just taking a side road to get there.

Take control of your life, what you take in affects who you are. Take control and Kraft your results, Kraft Bravery and Your Business can help you change the story you’re in the middle of.

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