Sometimes we hold on so tightly, not wanting to let go, of a person, a job, a loved one. Sometimes, so tightly, that we ignore that this season has passed. We stay hoping things will change, bending ourselves in order to make it work. We find we are so wrapped up in what we want things to be like, we miss the things that are.
Can you imagine what your life might be like if you could give yourself permission to let go? I mean really lean into being vulnerable and go with the flow. For just right now, wrap your mind around the freedom you might discover in the midst of this experience.
If you are like me, this sounds great, but to let go of controlling the situation, controlling the outcome, or controlling the narrative is a place of unknown territory and takes intentionality to execute. It takes bravery to move forward. It takes trust in knowing you are able and deserving.
And yet. letting go of control takes a lot less energy and effort than maintaining control in your life. You worry about things you have no impact on and allow things you can impact slip through your fingers. You create stories around “only if” that never unfold and get wrapped in the emotional potential.
So, why not save energy and spend it on things you can control?
Let’s be honest, you, like me, have wanted someone you love to behave differently, to do things differently., to show up differently. You might have even said something like, “S/he knows what I want so why not show up that way?” You might not even recognize your controlling actions or that you are taking on responsibility for the behavior of someone else – a heavy load to carry.
I did this with a marriage to a man who had a temper. I wanted him to respond differently to stressors in life and so in order to cover up and prevent his blow up, I would get angry instead. I was trying to make him seem less volatile and hoped that he would change.
That strategy didn’t work.
Here’s the thing, you cannot control people. You cannot control their reactions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or how they will respond to anything. You only can determine how you will RESPOND to YOUR world around you. Your choices are the only thing you have control over.
This has a huge impact on your own belief system and how you relate in this world. Your past trauma, those you remember and those you do not, leave a scar that is the soft spot for your reaction.
It’s the past, and that cannot be changed. However, your perspective of the events that haunt you can be changed, the charge they bring can be lessened or eliminated, and the fog you may have to navigate through can be lifted. You can give yourself grace to no longer identify with the pain and leave it.
I work with clients on this frequently and I work on my own wounds always. Stepping out of the energy of your constraints and finding a new approach to your life, leaving the past where is belongs, and facing each moment as a new experience, allows you the freedom to choose differently. You actually have my permission to give yourself permission to let it go and leave it in the past.
Change happens every moment of every day. Small shifts and sometimes big bangs. If you have read this post so far, you probably had a shift in how you look at things, even slightly. Something has changed.
The scary part is that many of you look at change as something you want to control or avoid in order to determine the outcome. So, when you find yourself on the rollercoaster of life heading out of control, or stuck in a helpless situation, you allow fear, concern, or uncertainty to set in. You try harder to exert control over your world, holding on for dear life.
The cool thing here is that, once you realize what you cannot control, and you actually accept the fact that what “is” is simply what it is, you find yourself floating toward those desires you have held so dear to your heart. Life unfolds in unusual ways.
I am not suggesting that you stop trying to control your life. Being a reformed control freak myself, this would be devastating. I am saying, understand what you can control and let the rest go.
What is that you ask?
You are in control of your actions, your reactions, and your choices. You have control over the decisions you make. You can practice being present in the moment and not let your back story come forward and dictate your current opportunities. You have the power to step away from the trigger and elevate your outcomes.
Letting go of the emotional “spark” can seem daunting. I invite you to look inward for the things you can control in your life. Change your physical state (stand up, lift your chin up, shoulders back, feet apart, and breathe deeply). This is the quickest way to release your emotions and begin to be more in the moment.
Letting go means you leave the past where it belongs, face yourself, and discover that you do have the capacity to make conscious choices now that move you forward.
Personal development does not happen with a weekend retreat. It does not happen with reading books, reading blogs, or listening to videos. It does not happen with a deep conversation with your coach.
It takes allowing yourself to know you are worthy of self-care and self-development. It takes giving yourself permission to be the person you want to be. It takes having someone at your side guiding you through the barriers that could hold you back. It takes someone who has done it and is willing to go through it with you.
Let’s talk and see if I am that someone for you. Schedule our discovery meeting today.