Have you ever known someone who made a major change in their life, and from your perspective, it seemed oh so suddenly? Maybe you know someone who has made a huge career jump into massive success, or who got into a serious relationship rather quickly, or who walked away from family and friends out of the blue. Look around you and take note of those people you know who have done something out of character or rather suddenly.
There have been steps taken in their lives to get them where they suddenly leaped to. They thought about it, imagined what life would look like if things were different, and figured out what they may need to do in order to make a change in their lives.
We’ve all done it; some more purposefully and others by chance.
Is it really all so suddenly though?
Let me share a few examples in my life where it seemed as though I was taking a leap, and a few secrets about how I was actually preparing for each change.
Becoming A Leader
One of the things I learned early on in life is that, if you want something, act as if…
- Act as if you had the money you want This does not mean put yourself in debt, it means carry yourself and make choices as though resources were available.
- Act as if you had the confidence and had answers. Holding back knowledge so you keep your job, becoming indispensable, also means you never move up or grow. Sharing knowledge and helping others succeed makes you a mentor and someone who is sought out by others.
- Act as if you were the leader. Your team matters, not you. Even when you’re one of the team, it matters that you all succeed and that you all do the best that you can. This means, sometimes, helping resolve an at home issue because it impacts work.
The first time I was offered a leadership role, I was 21 and I declined. I knew I had not honed my skill set enough to manage a team older than me who may resent me in that position. A few years later I had a five-year plan to hone my skills and take over my boss’s position.
One day I was home and got a call from the President of the company asking me if I would accept my boss’s position. He know that I had what it takes to bring the company out of a rut and into a more profitable position.
To those witnessing this move it appeared as though this was a sudden and surprising change. I was offered that job within two years of me planning to become a leader because I demonstrated that I was capable of leading a team. I had been acting as if…
Leaving Someone You Love
Relationships are messy and relationships take work. The thing is, they also take working together and leaving your ego at the door. Some of the biggest lessons I learned happened during a marriage that was falling apart.
- I learned you can not heal someone else’s demons. If they are making choices in their lives from a state of fear or easily get angry at the world around them, it is not your fault. You can only heal that part of you that was drawn to that part of them and make newer choices.
- I learned that it takes two. You are not responsible for the failure or the success of any relationship. When you believe that the world lies on your shoulders and you are the glue to keep the family, friends, or team together, you are not taking care of your own, very important, needs. You will fall apart physically and/or emotionally and you also are not allowing others to grow.
- I learned that you can work on something as much as you like, but if the other party is not listening, you are wasting your time. You are not able to resolve a rift that is created by someone else, you can only change your perspective and your responses.
I was in a relationship with someone I deeply loved for over 23 years. No matter how I felt, I never had an impact on resolving his anger at the world or his fear of taking a chance on something new, even when it meant growing his career.
When I found myself heart-broken and in tears when heading home from work every day, I connected with a counselor who helped me understand that, sometimes, it’s OK to walk away from a relationship that no longer supports you, even if you are still in love. My needs matter.
Everyone, including my husband, were shocked and didn’t understand why I ended the marriage. After three marriage counselors and daily attempts to make this relationship work, it was more than time for me to walk away and find my own path.
Leaving A Successful Career and Move 3,000 miles away
Changing careers is hard enough but moving across the country knowing no one seemed pretty overwhelming. In making this move I learned what manifesting a dream was all about.
- The dream was created. I first flew from Boston to San Diego because a niece from LA was in a car accident and in a coma. I went with family, and we rented a car so we could drive to see my sister and niece each day. When I first stepped off the plane in San Diego the smell of the air, the feeling of the sun, and the view of the bay took me home. I knew in that moment I had to live here.
You never know what will happen that will set your heart on fire. When it does, pay attention, don’t rationalize it away, and count yourself fortunate to be moved so deeply.
- Practice the experience. I visited San Diego every year and got to know life from the perspective of the locals. I did a few touristy things but experienced what daily living would be like. This is really living the dream.
When you discover a passion, a desire for something, immerse yourself in the experience as much as you can.
- Plan, plan, plan. I am a planner, I researched where to live and what the cost of living was like compared to where I was living. I investigated places I could hang out, activities I would want to be involved with, and how I would meet new people. I did some job searching to see what work opportunities would look like out there. I then set a deadline. I was either going to move by a certain date or stop talking about it.
Doing the research helps you get more specific about your plans and when you give yourself permission to change your mind you give yourself the freedom to go big,
I gave a nine month notice at work. I was leading a project I wanted to wrap up before leaving and wanted to be sure I was not given a new assignment. A coworker came by and told me how surprised he was that I was taking such a big leap and he thought I was pretty brave to make such a huge change.
It all seemed so sudden to everyone but me. I was not hiding my plans. I openly sought advice, trained, researched, and practiced all of these changes that took place. What was surprising to most was that I actually took the next step. I took that leap that holds so many of you back from experiencing your dream.
What would it take for you to hear others say, “I can’t believe you’re doing that! It all seems so sudden.”
What would it take for you to take a leap of faith in yourself, that is not really a leap but a step into the life you so deeply desire?
What would it take to feel empowered enough to know you deserve what you’re looking for?
It takes finding that passion, dreaming the dream, then planning the execution. It takes having someone at your side guiding you through the barriers that could hold you back. It takes someone who has done it and is willing to go through it with you.
Let’s talk and see if I am that someone for you. Schedule our meeting today. https://calendly.com/empoweringprocess/complimentary-session
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