Hello, hello, hello everybody and welcome to the Empowering Process podcast. I am your host, Gail Kraft and today we’re going to have a conversation all around fear of success.
Really one of my favorite, favorite, favorite, all time subjects; and I’m going to give you again a little story about me; when I first went ahead and realized that I even had a fear of success.
Then we’ll talk a little bit about some of the things that get in your way as far as fear of success is concerned.
I used to work for motivational speakers, a few of them, and be able to travel around the country and get to help people grow and sometimes I would partake in the exercises to help support the team. Well, I partook in a particular exercise and you know one of the questions was, “so, what was the thing that you wanted to overcome and what came up for you in this exercise.”
I raised my hand, and the speaker called “Gail, what is it that you’re afraid of that came up?” and I said, “You know, as I grow as I change as I succeed, I have friends that I’m afraid I’m going to lose along the way.”
Right? That I’m going to leave people behind and they’re dear to me and so his response was, “So you have a fear of success.”
I went, “No I don’t have a fear of success.” and then I stopped.
Holy moly, I do have a fear of success because the fact of the matter is what I feared actually did happen.
When I embrace the fact that I’m going to become who I’m going to become because I’m working on me because I want to be the best me that I can be that I want to help others be the best possible versions of themselves without the shackles and the chains that we carry around with us from the past.
That is in the past, let’s just look at the future.
I wanted to be that Beacon.
But how could I be if I had one chain that I was allowing to hold me back? And as I said, that did happen guys, I did lose those friends because they’re still in the same place they were at when I was 25.
They haven’t changed, they’ve gotten right into their misery, into their agony because, believe me, I was not.
I was there with them.
But they are living that [reality] and that serves them.
It doesn’t serve me anymore and I love them dearly.
They have been part of my life and they are part of who I have become.
But in the allowing them to go with love and tenderness, I created space for some amazing people to walk in for some miraculous things to happen in my life that absolutely couldn’t happen if my time were absorbed in doing the same old same old. How can I grow if I’m stuck in the same old same old?
That is my one of my stories, but really the big one, when I had that a-ha that there actually was a fear of success that I was dealing with.
One of the things that you might think about is what will I lose for me…
So, if you’re feeling held back and you’re not sure, make a list of what it is that you think you’ll lose if you move forward to the next step.
Note the [no’s] at the end are actually yes at the end when you have succeeded in whatever it is.
Your goal is when you’ve reached there, and you stepped into this person that you want to be or this business that you want to have, or in this position that you know is absolutely when you want to step in is to lean in.
What do you lose?
Who do you leave behind?
Right, so who will you lose?
So, what will you lose?
Who will you lose with the people that are going to be left behind?
How important are they?
And can you love them anyway and hold a little space for them to show up every once in a while, but don’t enter into their space?
Let them have their space while you change for your space, and change.
Who will I become?
Who that’s a very scary thing to become something or someone that is not you in the moment?
What does that mean?
Who will I become?
And take a look at where it is that you want to go where you think you want to be, yeah.
A few sessions back we talked about, you know you have to be clear on your purpose, right?
Again, be sure of your purpose, that it is definitely a goal that you want to achieve.
Be sure of the power that you bring to the table and be present in the moment.
When you envision who it is that you’ll become what it is that you’re going to be doing, think about:
”OK, so here I am. I’m on stage, I’m in Barcelona. The place is mobbed. I can feel the vibration of the audience pulsing as I step on stage and I have so much to share with them. And as I walk on stage, I get goosebumps. It’s so delicious from the energy and the love that is out there. And what I have to share with them, who have I become this, amazing powerful woman who was a kid, you know, on the corners of the gang in Boston?”
Right, who have I become, who was manipulated and controlled in my first marriage?
Who have I become, who allowed corporate to tell me what’s important and what’s not?
Who have I become, to allow my children to be who they are?
I know that I got them to a certain point and love them dearly and then I allow them to be.
Who have I become?
I’m all of those things and none of those things anymore.
I will never not be who I was.
But I will always have the potential to be so much more.
So, who will you become?
Think about that.
Who are the people showing up in your life right now because they are different people and what are they saying about you?
These new people who are your supporters?
Who are your cheerleaders?
Who are your new tribe?
Who are they and what are the wonderful things that’s coming out of their mouth about you?
It’s a fantastic story.
And what did you lose in the process?
And can you still love it?
And still appreciate it and still know that it’s not a loss if it was something or someone that was in your life, because that’s part of who you have become.
Those lessons, those gifts, those experiences are things that you can tap into at any given moment.
So, I remember when I used to feel that way and you can have empathy for someone who is in that way because you’ve been there.
You can have empathy, but not get sucked into it again, you can step back and say, “hey, I’ve got this. I’ve grown to this level. I’ve achieved my goal and I have new ones. I will always have some place that I’m going come with me.”
There’s a journey, there’s a path that you can walk.
And there’s a little exercise that you can do after you list out and very clearly feel where you are going.
Love where you are going and then answer these questions. What will happen if I do this thing (and I want you to Journal it)?
What will happen if:
I do this thing right?
I become someone different.
I become exciting.
I become magnetic.
I become an influencer.
I become someone who can make change in a massive way.
I become more.
And even more in even more.
What will happen?
What won’t happen if I do this thing?
So, what won’t?
So, I’m going to do this thing I am on stage.
What won’t happen.
I won’t get stuck behind.
I won’t stay in the same place.
I won’t become bored with myself.
I won’t miss an opportunity to grow.
I won’t miss an opportunity to learn.
I won’t miss an opportunity to share with others.
The truth is that I have learned that my truth.
Not yours, but you might learn from that.
What will happen if I don’t do this thing?
I will become.
Just who I am.
I won’t be something more.
I won’t be able to share with more people.
I won’t enjoy the feeling of success and failure.
I won’t live life to the fullest.
I Won’t find life delicious anymore.
It won’t be juicy.
I won’t want to bite into what’s happening.
Other potential will become boring.
What will not happen if I don’t do this thing?
If I don’t do this thing, the opportunity for others to learn from me just won’t happen.
If I don’t do this thing, I won’t get to do this with you.
If I don’t do this thing, I don’t become something.
I don’t even know what will be, but I’m on the journey and I’m proud to be there and I’m scared to be there and I’m excited to be there and I can’t wait for you to do it too.
Fear of success.
We all have it.
Because it means change and change is stepping into the unknown and stepping into the unknown is a little bit scary.
So, except that it’s a little bit scary.
Just a little bit scary.
Reach out for help.
Hang on to someone who’s already been there and is reaching down to help you along the way.
Get support, ask questions, get some tools that you can turn to.
Journal, meditate, pray.
Whatever it takes for you to take a breath.
Let it out.
And take that next step forward.
Thank you for sharing the Fear of Success with me.
This is Gail Kraft, The Empowering Process Podcast, and if this moved you if this brought meaning to you, if there’s a nugget that helped you, share this out with folks that also might learn or gain something from this.
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Enjoy the day.
Again, Gail Kraft, from the Empowering Process Podcast.