Ten steps to release anxiety, learn how to let go and be free, relax, change your mindset, be present, trust, and so much more. Ah the advice that is out there that is telling you how you should be feeling. In fact, don’t you sometimes actually feel that this very advise is causing anxiety?
So, let’s take a look at these recommendations and peak under the covers.
There are times when stress is actually appropriate.
Stress can be helpful when it motivates you to accomplish more. It creates the energy you need to push yourself to achieve a goal, the desire to do even more, or the excitement to explore a relationship. Each one of you have a certain level of pressure that generates energy to increase your productivity and peak your desire to move forward, until it doesn’t.
But then…this productivity will drastically go downhill when you go past your peak performance point. Your interest will wane quickly when you go beyond the excitement to explore deeper. If you continue in the over-stressed state you begin to feel fatigue, this eventually leads to a breakdown. The key is to know your boundaries and watch for early warning signs that suggest a stress overload is starting.
Some of the stressors in your life:
Financial Circumstances
How you manage your response to money has quite a lot to do with your perspective. When your basic needs are attainable (shelter, food, clothing) then seeing money as a toy to play with can bring new meaning to your life. The stress factor here is how you enjoy your money now and avoid any financial stressors in the future. When you are able to look at your finances as a way to experience life now, in the short term, and the long run, then you are able to plan, play, and produce results that are exiting and fulfilling.
Financial struggle, mortgage foreclosures, bills being late, or loss of income are examples of stressors that may throw this approach off track.
Even after planning, some of you may find yourself in one of these situations and not seek help. Humans are social animals and sometimes need the guidance and support of others. This is the time to be present with the moment. Get real with your situation, the sooner the better. Seek guidance from someone such as a financial advisor so you can get back on track.
Work Demands
A body in motion stays in motion and “motivation” is the key. According to Larina Kase, PhD, a Pennsylvania-based psychologist and the author of The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional. “Stress often precedes or accompanies creative breakthroughs,” she says. “If our minds are totally calm and relaxed, they don’t need a reason to see things differently.”
When you create a goal to do or be even more than you are right now the new action can become a game. How you play it, what risk you are willing to take, and how accountable you are for your results will determine your outcomes.
Work-stress takes a downward spiral when attaining work-related objectives is too much, you have a demanding job, you work long hours, or you work in an environment of uncertainty or conflict. “Chronic job strain can put both your physical and emotional health at risk,” says Paul J. Rosch, MD, the president of the American Institute of Stress.
Work goals are not real, they are a desire. Take stock of what is important in your life, what can you say no to at work and communicate clearly and frequently about what you are able to achieve each day.
Understand what you can control and what alternatives are available. Get as much information as you can. If there are cuts coming or a job change pending, focus on what you can control and determine what your response can be, no matter what the outcome. If the workload is unrealistic, examine how you can alter your schedule and identify what goals you are able to complete each day.
You can not control everything, and change is inevitable. Look for the positive possibilities, seek support and guidance from a mentor or coach who can help you focus on your capabilities and alternatives in order to make choices that bring your stress level down.
Personal Relationships
Any change in your life’s circumstances creates some level of stress. A positive stressor is when you get into a meaningful relationship, maybe get married, or partner to build something together. All change has a level of uncertainty and when stress is caused by a positive life change it can propel you to step out of your comfort zone and be even more than you were before. Keeping the newness, the excitement, and the anticipation of what might happen next in a relationship is a balance to continued connection.
When anticipation for what is next and the desire to experience what that might be is not met then “it” happens.
All relationships find there are things that each person may not agree on. Couples argue, parents and children fight and there is conflict among friends or co-workers.
When you are attached to an expected outcome or behavior and you have not communicated what this is, you have laid the groundwork for confusion and your relationship partner will miss the mark.
Before you begin, communicate from a place of calm and caring. Let go. Clearly explain what is not acceptable. What does the situation, if perfect, look like to you? Does the other in this relationship even know what your expectations are? Do you know his/hers?
Hold your conversation in a neutral environment. Go for a walk on the beach, talk while working in the garden together, or maybe play cards. You may be a private person and may even be embarrassed that there is conflict in your relationship, please understand the best of the best argue. Seek a guide or a mentor that can help you navigate discussion, elicit clear values, and create resolution that you both can be on board with.
“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” – Wayne Dyer
It really is a practice of perspective. Take control, make conscious choices, and be aware that your perspective, communication and results belong to you alone. You know it’s time for even more.
If not now, when?
You don’t have to go there alone.
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